Whoa Baby!

Before finding out about the new addition, I had always wanted to do a family photoshoot with our first baby, the furry one. So when James and I decided to take some (human) baby announcement photos, we thought it would be great to spend some of that time capturing life as a family of three. It has been the three of us for so long and we just want to look back one day and remember this time as it is so very special to us. But we are ready (or as ready as we are?) and looking forward to being a family of four! 

On a different note, here's a little letter I wrote on one of my many many sleepless nights (which I say it's God's way of preparing a pregnant woman for motherhood...) 

Hello Baby,

I haven't officially met you yet, but I love you already. My life has changed since the day I found out about you. It has been a roller coaster ride of different emotions. For the most part, I am excited and each day grows with the anticipation of your arrival. I am not going to lie though, some days can be quite difficult. The physical toll on my body can be a challenge, but they are also a constant reminder that something greater than myself is happening. I am grateful for this time. At 7 weeks, I saw your beating heart. You were so tiny and I kept calling you a gummy bear. I will never forget that moment of seeing you for the first time. At 12 weeks, I saw you again. This time you were much bigger and you were bouncing around quite a bit. Now at 18 weeks, you are kicking me precisely at 10:30pm every night. But it's times like these that make my discomfort all worth it.

I simply cannot contain myself sometimes. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to watch you grow and see you discover the joy of the simplest of things. I also can't wait for you to meet your big brother. He may look a little different than the rest of us, perhaps a bit hairier, but nevertheless he is family and we love him. Please be patient as he will now have to share all the attention with you. It is going to take some time for him to adjust. He has spent the last 4 years working his way to the top of the pack only to see his spot replaced by someone much younger. You get it. But boy, once you get to know him, he will be the most loving friend you will ever have. I promise. Also, as a warning, he does not like having stickers stuck on him. But don't you worry, I have already begun the desensitizing process. I am sure he will come around by the time of your arrival. And your dad. Well, he is excited to meet you too. Even if his expression is the same as always. But he is excited. He is already a proud father. When we saw you bouncing around at 12 weeks, he leaned over, smiled, and said you were an athletic one. Don't feel pressured to have to play sports or anything though, okay? You can always do arts and craft with me (which I will probably make you do anyway.) Kidding not kidding? 

Baby Chi, You are so loved already. Everyone is overjoyed that you will be joining us. There are so many aunties and uncles who have been lifting you up in prayer. You will get to meet them all one day soon. I know I have said this already, but you are SO loved. Please don't ever forget that. 

Okay, I guess I should at least try to fall asleep. I will write to you again soon. Rest well and be healthy, little one!

Love always,
Mom (which sounds so strange, but I guess it's a name I will have to get used to!)



* Special thanks to our dear friend Nic from N3Lau Photography! *

Snow Day Fun Day!

Snow day used to mean being snowed in and having an excuse to stay inside by the heater with my fuzzy socks and hot cup of coco. But now, snow days mean being outside for as long as humanly possible for the sake of Ninja's play time. Above is a super short recap of Ninja's blizzard fun! 

See You Laters

I hate goodbyes. I am not good with goodbyes. I don't do goodbyes. Goodbye sounds like something is ending, like I will never see you again. "See you later" should always be said instead. At least that is what I tell myself when a goodbye is needed. 

This is a season of see you laters.

As I type this, a lot of emotions swell up. I want to cry, but my tear ducts have been on strike from overworking since last week. I am still processing some of those messy feelings, trying to fight it, telling myself I'm okay. And I know I am. But I am also not on some days. Saying goodbye to the Chan family has got to be one of the hardest "see you laters" in my life. The impact they have on our family is beyond description. James, Ninja and I miss them so so much. They were family here. I don't think any of the California tourism commercials were nearly as effective as the Chans' relocation. One move from the Chans guaranteed trucks full of future visitors! 

Anyways, I don't think I can ever really explain all the things I feel. Even the 3 page single-paged letter I wrote to them! To be honest, I think I am still coping and figuring things out. I actually wrote several other posts before this one. But I guess they just never felt right to post. They were all too sad, and I guess too "me-focused." But I see very clearly of how God is using this time to mold me. To remind me of His goodness. To see Him. And I see how He has brought me from a place of grief to a place of gratitude. Now every time I miss them, I am instantly overwhelmed by God's grace and a heart filled with thankfulness. "All glory to God!" as the Chans reminded me one last time before their departure to the golden state. 

I am amazed how much one can learn and grow just by being in the presence of somebody. And I feel so incredibly blessed that I was able to do life with them in such close proximity. As I looked back on my own story, I remember a time when I fought God and refused to move here. But God chose this place for me and called me to this city, to live in this building, and made me neighbor of some pretty amazing people, who just happen to love dogs! Yes, bonus points there! I look back and I see God's footprints all over. And as He writes my story, I continue to see God's goodness in my life. So, as much as this hurts at the moment, I don't think I would change a thing. Because I know He is good. 

So Chans, if you are reading... I will leave you with the only appropriate thing that seems to describe what I cannot.  

15 Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere,[e] 16 I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, 17 asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom[f] and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. 18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.[g]19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. 21 Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come. 22 God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. 23 And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.