Since there's a baby on my lap and no time for "real" paragraphs, here are some of my jumbled thoughts in bullet points.
- First and foremost. God is faithful. After 20+ hours of labor, an induction that I had not planned (more like a decision I really struggled with), and a baby who's as tiny as a bean, everyone came out healthy. James included. Let's just say no one passed out witnessing mother nature.
- I married a very patient man. From food craving runs to shushing a screaming newborn to sleep. My husband has endless patience and his love for his family never ceases to amaze me. I am a total maniac in comparison... which leads me to my next point.
- Being a mother has revealed my shortcomings like never before. Imagine all the things that can possibly put you in a bad mood happening all at once. Nothing tests you like being in pain, sleep deprived, hungry, covered in poop and being screamed at all at the same time. But then one cute smile from your baby somehow makes you forget all that went wrong. It also makes you pray that much harder for God to intervene and change your heart.
- I gave birth to a wild woman. I have a daughter who grunts like a caveman and pinches like a crab. Her actions and noises make us laugh, then worried, then they would send us into a state of panic with frantic Google searches. She is also the cutest thing ever but I am very biased.
- I didn't know what multi-tasking was until I had a child. There's nothing like rocking a baby with your left arm, googling with your right hand, petting Ninja with your left foot and picking things off the floor with your right toes. All while making shushing sounds with your mouth.
- Changing diapers is like defusing a bomb. From the moment you open it up, you have approximately 10 seconds to do your thing, change it and close it up as fast as possible. But chances are you won't make it. 8 out of 10 times, you will get peed or pooped on. Often both at the same time. Maybe I am just bad at this... or maybe my baby thinks it's funny and does it on purpose. I am thinking the latter.
- The female body is incredible. Being able to grow a baby, somehow getting it out and then providing sustenance for it after birth? Wow. Just wow. No wonder the postpartum body looks the way that it does. I am adjusting to my new body and I am trying to embrace a few of those extra "gifts" I got from pregnancy. From stretch marks to extra inches here and there to a completely new shoe size. But every "new" that appears is a reminder of the incredible journey and miracle that took place and I am proud of that.
- I have awesome friends and I love them. I can't even list out all the things that my friends had done from the time I got pregnant to the moment I came home with the baby. The prayers that were lifted up, the encouraging messages I received, the dishes that were cleaned, and the meals that were delivered (and definitely many many more!) James and I are so thankful for the community that we get to come home to and we are blessed to have our daughter grow up in such a place.
In the end, all I can say about my pregnancy is that God carried me.
Hi Baby girl (Yes! It's a girl!),
I can't believe it is only weeks away from your arrival! Time has flown by and I still cannot wrap my mind around how fast this is all happening. I am so excited, yet so nervous! Nervous about how you are going to come into this world and how I will handle the physical pain as well as all the changes you will bring into my life. Just so you know, my pain tolerance is basically nonexistent... so we will see! As it is getting closer to the due date, I find myself feeling more anxious. But time and time again, I find myself running back to God, my ultimate comforter. I am entering into uncharted territory and I am seriously relearning what it means to trust and walk by faith. So baby, you are already stretching me (physically and spiritually!) and pushing me to grow in so many ways. I am truly grateful for this time and I know it will be a lifelong learning process (for all of us). I know it will be a huge adjustment for you as well, so get ready! We will do this together.
At 37 weeks, you are running out of room. And I can feel every single one of your twists and turns, especially those insane karate kicks and chops of yours. I often feel like I am getting beat up from the inside! But it's funny how they kind of make me happy too. Weird, isn't it? Besides the expected aches/pains, the summer heat makes things pretty rough. But I will endure, for as long as you are healthy and cozy in there, I am happy to be your home.
On another note, your room (more like your corner) is complete! It has been a joy putting together your little dwelling place and I can't wait to spend time with you there (oh and definitely Ninja too since he has already claimed the rug...)
Aaahh! I can't wait to meet you! See you soon! Please go easy on me and come out as fast as you can, okay? Thanks!
Love,
Mom
Before finding out about the new addition, I had always wanted to do a family photoshoot with our first baby, the furry one. So when James and I decided to take some (human) baby announcement photos, we thought it would be great to spend some of that time capturing life as a family of three. It has been the three of us for so long and we just want to look back one day and remember this time as it is so very special to us. But we are ready (or as ready as we are?) and looking forward to being a family of four!
On a different note, here's a little letter I wrote on one of my many many sleepless nights (which I say it's God's way of preparing a pregnant woman for motherhood...)
Hello Baby,
I haven't officially met you yet, but I love you already. My life has changed since the day I found out about you. It has been a roller coaster ride of different emotions. For the most part, I am excited and each day grows with the anticipation of your arrival. I am not going to lie though, some days can be quite difficult. The physical toll on my body can be a challenge, but they are also a constant reminder that something greater than myself is happening. I am grateful for this time. At 7 weeks, I saw your beating heart. You were so tiny and I kept calling you a gummy bear. I will never forget that moment of seeing you for the first time. At 12 weeks, I saw you again. This time you were much bigger and you were bouncing around quite a bit. Now at 18 weeks, you are kicking me precisely at 10:30pm every night. But it's times like these that make my discomfort all worth it.
I simply cannot contain myself sometimes. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to watch you grow and see you discover the joy of the simplest of things. I also can't wait for you to meet your big brother. He may look a little different than the rest of us, perhaps a bit hairier, but nevertheless he is family and we love him. Please be patient as he will now have to share all the attention with you. It is going to take some time for him to adjust. He has spent the last 4 years working his way to the top of the pack only to see his spot replaced by someone much younger. You get it. But boy, once you get to know him, he will be the most loving friend you will ever have. I promise. Also, as a warning, he does not like having stickers stuck on him. But don't you worry, I have already begun the desensitizing process. I am sure he will come around by the time of your arrival. And your dad. Well, he is excited to meet you too. Even if his expression is the same as always. But he is excited. He is already a proud father. When we saw you bouncing around at 12 weeks, he leaned over, smiled, and said you were an athletic one. Don't feel pressured to have to play sports or anything though, okay? You can always do arts and craft with me (which I will probably make you do anyway.) Kidding not kidding?
Baby Chi, You are so loved already. Everyone is overjoyed that you will be joining us. There are so many aunties and uncles who have been lifting you up in prayer. You will get to meet them all one day soon. I know I have said this already, but you are SO loved. Please don't ever forget that.
Okay, I guess I should at least try to fall asleep. I will write to you again soon. Rest well and be healthy, little one!
Love always,
Mom (which sounds so strange, but I guess it's a name I will have to get used to!)
* Special thanks to our dear friend Nic from N3Lau Photography! *
Snow day used to mean being snowed in and having an excuse to stay inside by the heater with my fuzzy socks and hot cup of coco. But now, snow days mean being outside for as long as humanly possible for the sake of Ninja's play time. Above is a super short recap of Ninja's blizzard fun!
