I have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. I begged and begged growing up with my own version of the puppy face, but it never worked. I can only conclude that it must not have been very cute and it had the opposite effect. If anything, it made my parents' resolve even stronger. They would say, "You can get one when you have your own place." So... that's exactly what I did! Two months after settling into our new condo, James and I got a puppy. MY first puppy!
I am pretty sure I watched all the Dog Whisperers there is to watch in the 2 months prior to Ninja's arrival, along with all the dog training shows on Animal Planet. I would go play with my friends' dogs and even watched them bring home and train a new puppy, the sweetest little boxer! So I thought, ok, I can totally do this!! But sure enough, things never go as planned and the unexpected happens.
As I mentioned in my earlier post, Ninja was not your average cute and cuddly puppy. Most of my memories of baby Ninja were that of fear and anxiety with an occasional mix of tears and frustration. I just did not understand how an adorable little pup could be so terrifying. He would bark aggressively at us out of the blue and would bite our feet and run. Forget flip flops, I needed some heavy duty boots! The attacks were so unpredictable and they really scared me! No amount of Dog Whisperer could prepare us for those first few months. We thought we could be calm and assertive. We thought wrong. Knowing how to react and actually reacting are two very different things.
Not only would Ninja nip at us, he would growl at us when we tried to feed him. On top of that, he was terrified at a lot of things, especially shiny floors and enclosed spaces. We had to lay down paths for him out of towels and pillows so he could move around our home. Don't forget to add pee stains and shredded messes to the growing list of frustrations. James and I were stressed out of our minds. With me being the one who was home with him all day, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Let's just say there were a lot of frantic Googling of "My dog is doing (insert behavior here), what do I do?" Way more work than expected and much harder than I thought. (Can't even imagine what it's like with a human baby!)
In the midst of the all the existing problems, James and I also argued a lot over the way we disciplined and trained Ninja. It did not help that we were mentally drained most of the time. But it's funny how conflicts work. It has the power to either divide us or bring us closer. And that was definitely one of the biggest lessons for us early on in our marriage. We had to learn to compromise and stick together in our decisions and training methods. James and I prayed long and hard for unity, patience and perseverance. We bought tons of dog training books and read an insane amount of articles on frustration biting. We even considered seeking the Dog Whisperer himself for help! But through this whole experience and all the obstacles, we all learned to communicate better (yes, Ninja included!) and we grew in our family because of it. I think sometimes it is through struggles that we experience true intimacy. That is certainly the case for our home.
But looking back, I just see a scared and insecure puppy who was separated from everything he knew. His siblings, his parents, his familiar surroundings, and even down to his diet! Things started to look up when we decided to feed him from our hands (It is a trust building exercise suggested by one of Victoria Stilwell's It's Me or the Dog episodes. It's to let them know that your hands are hands that provide) We had to do a lot of these trainings but eventually all the biting, growling and barking stopped. From being a fearful frustrated pup to being an overjoyed happy-go-lucky dog! A complete 180! The transformation was amazing and it gives me a lot of hope each time I think about it. It is definitely a reminder that we are all a work in progress. We all carry a lot baggage and insecurities with us. But like Ninja, sometimes we just need to learn how to trust and know that someone is providing for us even when we don't feel like it's true, and to understand that we are loved deeply and unconditionally. You will be surprised what a difference it makes when you embrace that truth. I see that change in Ninja. And I see it in me.
Haha, I can probably go on for another 5 paragraphs on how much I love Ninja, but I won't do that. I probably sound crazy enough already. I am just glad that everything worked out for the good (though it did not feel like it would back then). James and I can't imagine our family without Ninja and my "first dog" experience has been nothing but a joy and a blessing. If I could go back in time (knowing all the hardships waiting in store for me), I would gladly do it all over again.
Romans 8:28
